Top Twenty Countdown of the Best Oxymorons…#20 Found missing #19 Resident alien #18 Airline food #17 Same difference #16 Government organization #15 Sanitary landfill #14 Alone together #13 Business ethics #12 Sweet sorrow #11 Military intelligence #10 Plastic glasses #9 Terribly pleased #8 Definite Maybe #7 Pretty Ugly #6 Computer
How do you cure constipation?Sit on a block of cheese and swallow a mouse!
|One day while walking down the street a highly successful partner in a law firm was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.”Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get
10) Cats’ facial expressions.9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.8) Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.7) ?Fat? clothes.6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.3) Eyelash curlers.2)
Q. Why can’t men get mad cow disease? A. Because they’re all pigs.
Jewish TraditionsDuring a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears.He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?”She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”She