A guy goes to a psychiatrist. “Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam; then I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies: “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.”
Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe? Joe: I won it in a race. Bill: How many people participated in it? Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!!
A blonde was playing Trivia Pursuit and was asked if she was in a vacuum and someone called out her name, would she hear it?She thought and answered..”is it on or off?”
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?None – it should be open when she brings it to you!
|The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson’s Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: “Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself.” “By shooting?” reasked the company commander, “Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible.” ——————————————————————————–When asked
Tourist guide at zoo: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, thelargest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don’t stand near the elephant’s backside…. Madam, PLEASE don’t stand near
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.