Q: What’s the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit? A: One’s a glueless kit and the other’s a clueless git!
A man was staying in a big old house and in the middle of the night he met a ghost. The ghost said, “I have been walking these corridors for 300 years.” The man said, “in that case, can you tell me the way to the toilet?”
Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to? Mrs Saggy: Yes, they couldn’t find a crane strong enough to lift her face!
Doctor, “What seems to be the problem?” Patient, “Doc, I’ve got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,” The Doctor nods, “Hmm.” Patient, “My farts do not stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I fart all the time. Look, we’ve been talking here for about
Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can’t get to heaven? Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you’ll get there.
Did you hear about the ghost who enjoyed doing housework? He used to go round with the oooo-ver.
First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done? First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.