Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp. Father Christmas: That’s called ‘The Wizard of Ooze’!
Man: “Haven’t we met before?”Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”Man: “Is this seat empty?”Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”Man: “Your place or mine?”Woman: “Both. You go to
A football coach walked into the locker room before a big game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question,
1. You know you have if you… notice your tie sticking out of your fly. 2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster. 3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall. 4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier. 5. You have to hold on to the floor
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
Father Christmas: What’s your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one where the three creatures are scared of the Big Bad Wolf and they grow on trees! Father Christmas: You mean ‘The Three Little Figs’.
Women’s Snappy Comebacks:Man: =”Haven’t we met before?” Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”Man: =”Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”Man: = “Is this seat empty?” Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”Man: = “So,