Q: How do you know when you’re at a hillbilly wedding? A: Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.
“Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.”If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the
|The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding.Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to
Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.Man who run in front of car get tired.Man who run behind car get exhausted.Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways
Where did the burgers go after their wedding? On a bun-eymoon!
Random Thoughts:When I die I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.I always try to count my blessings, but I am no good at fractions.War decides not who is right, but who is left.
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. “It`s for my husband,” she tells the clerk.”Did he tell you what gauge to get?” asked the clerk.”Are you kidding?” she says. “He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!”