An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by anddeposits a poopy little present on the woman’s head. “Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.” “What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.”
George W. Bush is seen crossing the Potomac river on foot. The Washington Post : “President Bush crosses the Potomac River”. The Washington Time : “Bush’s conservative approach saves taxpayers a boat”. Mother Jones : “Bush can’t swim”.
This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God…I could be eating a slow learner!”- Lynda Montgomery”If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”- Johnny Carson”Sometimes I think war is God’s way
A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, “You can go home now.”
Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.” Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
Stressed out…try some of these relaxing tidbits :)1. Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.(This one is great to teach neices and nephews!)2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill.(Even better to call after doing it and say you didn’t authorize it and want