To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error. Janet Coleman The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong. Andy Rooney The day after tomorrow is
Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?…Son: I don’t know. The dentist kept it
Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers.(From a machine at a college dorm:)A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message.Hi. This is John:If you are the phone
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonnette I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me. Henry Youngman It’s better to have loved
Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. “Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,”
Beatrice Lillie (Lady Peel) was once accosted by a haughty old dowager who scrutinized her through her lorgnettes. “What lovely pearls, dear Beatrice,” she maliciously remarked. “Are they real?” Yes, nodded Lady Peel. “Of course,” the dowager declared, “you can always tell real pearls by biting them. May I try?”
Sonny: I can’t sleep. What should I do? Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you’ll be sure to drop off!