Eddie’s father called up to him, ‘Eddie, if you don’t stop playing that trumpet I think I’ll go crazy!’ Eddy replied, ‘I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour ago.’
How do you change a dishwasher into a snow blower? Give her a shovel!
“Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?” “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.””What sort of trouble?” “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.””Went away?” “They disappeared.””Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?” “Nothing.””Nothing?” “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything
At the morning roll call at Fort Dix, the sergeant called out,”Platoon, atten-HUT! Private Martinez, report to the office. Your brother died last night.”The Chaplain, Rabbi Horowitz, looked on in horror. “Sergeant,” he saidafterwards, “that’s a rather cruel and unfeeling way to break tragic news. We must be more gentle
When you’re having a bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, just remember: it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle.
A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions. Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, “If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?” “Normal
One April Fools Day, when I was about 15 or 16, I told my mom I was pregnant. It was really funny to see her reaction, but I got in major trouble when I told her I was joking. Some people just don’t appreciate a good joke…