Next time you’re invited to a boring social event, try one of these excuses to why you can’t attend:I’D LOVE TO BUT…… I don’t want to leave my comfort zone. … I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary. … I have to answer all of my “occupant” letters. … I have to fluff my shower cap. … I have to fulfill my potential. … I left my body in my other clothes. … I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist. … I’ll be looking for a parking space. … I’m being deported. … I’m converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian. … I’m giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store. … I’m going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise. … I’m sandblasting my oven. … I’m taking a crash course in punk totem pole carving. … I’m worried about my vertical hold. … I’ve come down with a really horrible case of something or other. … I’ve got a Friends of the Rutabaga meeting. … it’s too close to the turn of the century. … my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then. … my plot to take over the world is thickening. … my subconscious says no. … none of my socks match. … the grunion are running. … the last time I went, I never came back. … the monsters haven’t turned blue yet; I have to eat more dots.