The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. Clarence Darrow Kids. They’re not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. Bill Maher To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t
Category: Miscellaneous
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How did the blonde try to kill the bird…she threw it off of a cliff.How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves…she fell out of the tree.How did the blonde die, drinking milk…the cow stepped on her.How did the blonde burn her nose…bobbing for french fries.Why does a blonde
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him. Arthur C. Clarke Is man one of God’s blunders or is God one of man’s blunders? Friedrich Nietzsche God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. Voltaire When
A man walks in for a sale rep job. He is very qualitfied, but he has a nervous twitch, and his left eye is always winking. So he speaks with the manager and the manager says, “Well sir, you are very well qualified for the job, but people have to
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error. Janet Coleman The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong. Andy Rooney The day after tomorrow is
Why did God give deers eyes? I have no eye-deer!
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonnette I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me. Henry Youngman It’s better to have loved