There once was an accountant who lived her whole life
without
ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In
fact, she
made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win
situation.

One day while walking down the street she was
tragically hit by a bus
and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where
she was met at the
Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

“Welcome
to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in
though it
seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never
once
had an accountant make it this far and we’re not really sure what

to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in.” said the
accountant. “Well, I’d like
to, but I have higher orders. What we’re
going to do is let you have a
day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then
you can choose whichever one
you want to spend an eternity in
.”

“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind…I prefer to stay
in
Heaven”

“Sorry, we have rules…”

And with that
St. Peter put the accountant in an elevator and it went

down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and the accountant found
herself
stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In
the
distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her

friends – fellow accountants that she had worked with and they were
all
dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.

They ran
up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old

times.

They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the
country
club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met
the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute)
and she had a
great time telling jokes and dancing. The accountant
was having such a
good time that before she knew it, it was ti
me to leave. Everybody
shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got
on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up
at the Pearly Gates and
found St. Peter waiting for her. “Now it’s
time to spend a day in
heaven.”

So the accountant spent the
next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and
playing the harp and
singing. She had a great time and before she knew
it her 24 hours
were up and St. Peter came and got her.

“So, you’ve spent a day in
hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven.
Now you must choose your
eternity.”

The accountant paused for a second and then replied,
“Well, I never
thought I’d say this, I mean, Heaven has been really
great and all, but
I think I had a better time in Hell.”

So
St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the accountant went

down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened
she
found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in
garbage and
filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and
were picking up the
garbage and putting it in sacks.

The
Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. “I don’t
understand,”
stammered the accountant, “Yesterday I was here and there was a

golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had

a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland of garbage and all my

friends look miserable.”

The Devil looked at her and smiled.
“That’s because yesterday you
were a recruit, but today you’re
staff.”

——————————————————————————–

An
accountant applies for the position of Chief Financial Officer.

There are a number of candidates and he is called in for an interview.
They
ask him a number of questions and one of the panel suddenly says
“What
is nine multiplied by four?”

He thinks quickly and
says “Thirty five.” When the in
terview is over
he goes outside, takes out his calculator and
finds the correct answer
is not thirty five. He thinks “Well, I blew
that” and goes home very
disappointed.

Next day he is rung up
and told he has got the job. “Wonderful,” he
says, “but what about
nine multiplied by four? My answer wasn’t
right”

“We know,
but of all the candidates you came the closest.”