Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes, that was one of his most striking achievements.

What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium? He got atomic ache.

Igor: Only this morning Dr Frankenstein completed another amazing operation. He crossed an ostrich with a centipede. Dracula: And what did he get? Igor: We don’t know – we haven’t managed to catch it yet.