These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign on a Norfolk farm: “Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left.” Sign seen in London department store: “Bargain Basement Upstairs” Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: “Closed for official opening.” Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: “Please leave your values at the front desk.” Sign in a hotel in Athens: “Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.” Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: “The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.” Sign in a Japanese hotel: “You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.” Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: “You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.