Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
Alsation: How did you find the fleas? Beagle: I didn’t! They found me!
|From: Efficiency & Ticket, Ltd., Management ConsultantsTo: Chairman, The London Symphony OrchestraRe: Schubert’s Symphony No. 8 in B minor.After attending a rehearsal of this work we make the following observations and recommendations:1. We note that the twelve first violins were playing identical notes, as were the second violins. Three violins
Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. “Oh Marie,” she said to her maid, “I have reason to suspect that my husband ishaving an affair with his secretary.””I don’t believe it for one minute !” Marie snapped.”You’re just saying that to make me jealous !!!”
A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver’s license, the driver argued, “Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back of me.”
What’s easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?A snowman is easier to make, ’cause with a snowwoman you have to hollow out the head and pack all that extra snow into balls to make her breasts!
|Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven’s 9th symphony.However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators in her house.However, the wind from these ventilators was causing the notes to blow all over the place, so