HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand
Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can’t believe it!
If a cat won an Oscar, what would he get? An a-cat-emy award.
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted…”Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor’s wife.”
A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, “Hey, bud, this
Tith the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner was suddenly illuminated. “Who turned on the fucking lights?” a male passenger, who had been surly since boarding, snarled at a stewardess.The girl had had enough of this particular character. “These are the breakfast lights, sir,” she answered with
A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. “Excuse me”, he said to the cat in charge, “Can you get milk stains out?” “Sure,” replied the cat. “We’ll have that stain licked in a minute!”