A man calls his family doctor:man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit.doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help.man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her.
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself. Doctor: Why is that? Patient: I’m a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don’t want.
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn’t prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by
William Bennett recalls when one of his “radical students” at Boston University announced that he and his girlfriend were getting married for “as long as we feel good about each other.”It seemed rather temporary to Dr. Bennett, so for a wedding present, he says, “I gave them paper plates.”
|Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail.
Is this really your third marriage? Sure is. What happened to your first two wives? They died.How did your first wife die? She ate some poisonous mushrooms.What about your second wife? She died from a severe skull fracture.How did she get a skull fracture? She wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.
Had a door-to-door salesman call one time selling of all things — burial plots. I told him that we already had our plots in another cemetery. He seemed uncertain as to what to say next, but he recovered to say politely, “I hope you’ll be very happy there.”