You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid. I know you are nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt
Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon.”Shit,” said the first bloke, “as soon as I get home, I’m gonna rip thewife’s knickers off!””What’s the rush?” his mate asked.”The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me,” the bloke replied.
What’s the latest dope — besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You don’t believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over
A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup getsto her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose abombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter:”Sir! Please stop that immediately.””Certainly, madame,” replies the waiter with a
We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I’ll say it was your stupidity. Well, I’ll see you in my dreams — if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when
A guy’s on the electric chair. The warden’s just about to pull the switchwhen the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, “Do you have any lastrequests?” The guy says, “(hic) Yeah… (hic) could you please do (hic)could you please do something to scare me?”
How does a barber make phone calls? He cuts them short.