You might be a redneck if. . .You think harass is two words. You consider fast food hitting a deer at 65 MPH. Every day someone comes to your house mistakingly thinking your having a yard sale. Fifth grade was the best six years of your life. You have more
Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I was trying to get away from the crime scene.
Saint Peter is doing his thing , minding the Gates of Heaven , when he notices that the Gates are getting a bit shabby and shopworn and in need of repair.He goes outside to the line of people waiting to come “in” and asks “ARE THERE ANY CONTRACTORS HERE?”Three guys
Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gatesof Heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting along time for you.””What do you mean,” he replied, “I’m only 45, in the prime of my life.Why did I have to die now?””45? You’re
Policeman: Why were you speeding? Driver: I didn’t want to be late for my trial.
Some good put-downs…ya’ never know when you’ll need one!I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you –it’s against my morals to attack an unarmed person.Are your parents cousins?Your teeth are so yellow, I can’t believe it’s not butter.Nice face…what are you going to do when the baboon
Question: What is 1 + 2 ?Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures,you’ll find that it’s reasonably in line with government predictions.Physicist: I won’t tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for.Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.