A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.Half-way
A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, ‘ Mum ! your husband’s just come home.’
Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It’s $5 if you’ll make your own bed.Guest: I’ll make my own bed.Innkeeper: Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood.
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again
During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle. “Didn’t you hear me say that we’re outnumbered 4 to 1 ?” The Marine replied, “I got my four Sir.”
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun
Sign seen in a bar:”Those drinking to forget please pay in advance.”