Judge: “Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?” Defendant: “Yes, it’s true.” Judge: “Then, why don’t you just pay him back?” Defendant: “Because it wouldn’t be true anymore.”
An Arthur Anderson partner comes back to his office and says to his manager, “Did you get my message where I said, ‘Ship the Enron documents to the Feds’?” The manager goes white. “Oh My God! I thought you said rip the Enron documents to shreds.”
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:Free Yorkshire Terrior.8 years-old. Hateful little dog.———————————-Free Puppies:1/2 Cocker Spaniel1/2 Sneaky Neighbor’s Dog———————————-Free Puppies:Part German ShepherdPart Stupid Dog———————————-German Shepherd – 85lbs.Neutered. Speaks German. Free!———————————-1 Man, 7 Women hot tub — $850/offer———————————-Amana Washer $100.Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.———————————-Snow blower for
THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS….THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN “Members of Congress…People of America….I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven’t been paying attention.
The judge said to his dentist: “Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.”
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were ‘protecting.’ Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job, figuring if he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able to
Father Murphy was ministering to a man on his deathbed.”Renounce Satan!” yelled Father Sullivan.”No!,” said the dying man.”I say, renounce the devil and his works!””No way!,” the man repeats.”And why, in the name of all that is holy, not?” asks Father Murphy.”Because,” said the dying man…”I want to wait until