A few crumbs short of a crouton. A few clowns short of a circus. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a casserole. The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl. One taco short of a combination plate. A few feathers short of a whole duck All foam, no beer. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instruc- tions on the heel. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Chimney’s clogged. Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash. Elevator doesn’t go all th eway to the top floor. Forgot to pay her brain bill. Her sewing machine’s out of thread. If she had another brain, it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Has the intelligence of a Carrot.