Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered? Waiter: Well, you know how slow turtles are.

Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn’t come in and closed you up? Waiter: They’re afraid to eat here.

Customer: Do you have bacon and eggs on the menu: Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.

Waiter, waiter! There’s a wasp in my dessert. So that’s where they go to in the winter.

I say waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Well throw him a doughnut – they make fantastic life belts!

Waiter, waiter! There’s a mosquito in my soup. Don’t worry sir, mosquitoes have very small appetites !