36 things you’ll never hear from a Redneck…1. “I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex”2. “Duct tape won’t fix that.”3. “Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.”4. “We don’t keep firearms in this house.”5. “You can’t feed that to the dog.”6. “I thought Graceland was tacky.”7. “No kids in
Category: Miscellaneous
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The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB — $850/offerCOWS, CALVES NEVER BRED…ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.FREE PUPPIES:PART COCKER SPANIEL -PART SNEAKY NEIGHBOR’S DOGGERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.FULL SIZED MATTRESS.20 YR. WARRANTY.LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.BILL’S SEPTIC CLEANING”WE HAUL AMERICAN
Golf GenieA couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don’t knock out any windows. It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.”The wife teed up
Q.- NAME:A.- Iam ApplyinQ.- DESIRED POSITION:A.- Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.Q.- DESIRED SALARY:A.- $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible,
In the front yard of a funeral home, “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.”On an electrician’s truck, “Let us remove your shorts.”Outside a radiator repair shop, “Best place in town to take a leak.”In a non-smoking area, “If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
1. How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun.2. How do you kill a pink elephant? Twist his nose until he turns blue and then use the blue elephant gun.