Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.Insanity is my only means of relaxation.Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest.The first has no arms.The second no legs.And the third has no body, just a head.They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all in the pool.The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.In the middle of the night the woman leans

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: “Sir, did you call

A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane. After takeoff, the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom…so the man stands up to let her out.She returns, and 15 minutes later she sneezes again big time, and again excuses herself to

There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.So, the grandmother says sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that

Q: How do you know you’ve been kidnapped by a redneck?A: He’s asking 2 million dollars ransom in unmarked million dollar bills.