Q: What did King Tut say to the museum? A: I want my mummy!

What is easier to fill a dump truck up with.. dead babies or bowling balls?Dead babies.. because you can use a pitchfork.

A red-head, a brunette, and a blonde went on a trip to the desert.They each brought one item for survival.The red-head brought water. The blonde asked, “Why?” The red-headreplied, “To prevent us from dying of thirst.”The brunette brought food. The blonde asked, “Why?” The brunettereplied, “To prevent us from dying

The boss of a large company says to his protege : ” I’m transferring you to the northern office “The protege says : ” But that place is full of whores and football players!”The boss replies : ” My wife used to live there ! “The protege quickly responds: ”

How many seconds are in a year? Answer: There are 12 seconds in a year. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…

Yo mamma is such a bad cook that even the cockroaches throw up!

If the prefix “con” is the opposite of the prefix “pro”, then is “Congress” the opposite of “progress”?