Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date.10. “Sorry I’m a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore.”9. “Show me how you used to spank her.”8. “Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter.”7. “Do you think she would put out

NEW LANGUAGES BEING TAUGHT IN AMERICAAfro-American Speak — Ebonics (or We-Beonics)Irish-American Speak — LeprechaunicsNative-American Speak — KimosabicsItalo-American Speak — Spumonics (or Rigatonics)Chinese-American Speak — Won-tonicsJapanese-American Speak — Mama-san-icsPolish-American Speak — KielbasanicsJewish-American Speak — ZionicsRussian-American Speak — RasputonicsSpanish-American Speak — Flan-icsScottish-American Speak — Tartan-icsEskimo-American Speak — HarpoonicsGerman-American Speak — Autobaunics (or

Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down nextto the grieving widow. “How old was your husband?” he asked.”He was ninety-eight,” she answered softly. “Two years older than Iam.””Really?” the undertaker said. “Hardly worth going home, wouldn’tyou say?”

An anxious woman goes to her doctor.”Doctor,” she asks nervously, “can you get pregnant from anal sex?””Certainly,” replies the doctor, “Where do you think lawyers come from!”

Bob woke up after the annual office Christmas party with apounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recallthe events of the preceding evening. After a trip to thebathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put somecoffee in front of him.”Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night.