The Perfect Day According To…HER8:45 – Wake up to hugs and kisses9:00 – 5 pounds lighter on the scale9:30 – Light breakfast11:00 – Sunbathe12:30 – Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe1:45 – Shopping2:30 – Run into husband’s ex – notice she’s gained 30lbs.3:00 – Facial, massage, nap7:30 – Candlelight
Category: Miscellaneous
Total 3979 Posts
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game,” when we are already there?Why do your feet smell and your nose runs?Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic…shouldn’t they already know you’re coming?Why
Did you hear about the butcher who accidentally backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.Did you hear about the dentist who married a manicurist?They fight tooth and nail!Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.Did you hear about the
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog.How you get down from an elephant? You don’t, you get down from ducks.What city has the largest rodent population? Hamsterdam.What did God say when Joan of Arc showed up at the Pearly Gates? “Well done.”What did one cloned sheep say
What do frogs eat with their hamburgers? French flies.What do polo players get from spending all afternoon in the saddle?Poloroids.What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?A lawn moo-er.What do you call a dog that is left-handed? A south paw.What do you call a frightened scuba diver?
What do you get when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing, it just shuts up.What does Michael Jackson call his “Tickle-me Elmo” doll?Bait.What goes “99 thump 99 thump 99 thump…?”A centipede with a wooden leg.What goes “Tick
What’s the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won’t eat broccoli.What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.What’s the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf’s mother? One is Moscow, the other is cow’s ma.Where did the vegetables go to get drunk?