A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill.The doctor says, “You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening.”The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he
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A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman who is shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.”She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”
George Carlin’s Reflections on Life:1. Never raise your hands to you kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.2. I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.3. I’m in shape. Round is a shape.4. I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.5. Do illiterate people
Striking up a conversation with the attractive woman seated beside him on a coast-to-coast flight, a would-be Romeo asked, “What kind of man are you attracted to?””I’ve always been drawn to Native American men,” she replied. “They’re in harmony with nature.””I see,” said the man, nodding.”But, then, I really go
I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.(Lick finger and wipe on shirt) Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.Nice legs….what time do they open?Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.You’ve got 206 bones in your
A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with hisson.Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down.After this goes on for awhile, his wife sticks her head out thefront door and yells, “You need more tail.”The guy turns to his
What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Day?On St. Patrick’s Day everyone wishes they were Irish.