Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender missionary. I’ve baked ’em, I’ve roasted ’em, I’ve stewed ’em, I’ve barbequed ’em, I’ve even tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender.” The second cannibal
Category: Miscellaneous
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Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people — many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also breaking the law. To these brave men and women — ooops,
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.” 3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.” 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…” 5. If you
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. “I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous.” “My Billy used to do the same thing,” the older woman replied. “But I broke him of the habit.” “How?” “I hid his teeth.”
1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn’t matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly.
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me.. the whole world hates me!” Her brother, busily occupied playing a
At communion you go back for seconds. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank. Long distance companies don’t call you to switch. You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice. McDonald’s is the supplier of all your kitchen