BARTENDER: I think you’ve had enough, sir. DRUNK: I just lost my wife, buddy! BARTENDER: Well, it must be hard losing a wife…. DRUNK: It was almost impossible!

Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

Q: How is a marriage like a hot bath? A: Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

Q: How do you know when you’re at a hillbilly wedding? A: Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.

Where did the burgers go after their wedding? On a bun-eymoon!

Hey, you just shot my wife. I’m so sorry, have a shot at mine !

She was two thirds married once. What do you mean ? Well, she turned up, the Minster turned up, but the groom didn’t !