It was so hot when we went on holiday last year that we had to take turns sitting in each other’s shadow.

Dad, did you manage to fix my toy? No, it’s not broken, the battery’s flat. Well, what shape should it be?

A man went in to the bank and asked to see the man who arranged the loans. ‘I’m sorry, sir,’ said a cashier, ‘the loan arranger is out to lunch.’ ‘Can I speak to Tonto, then?’ asked the man.

Bank manager: I’m sorry, sir, you can’t open an account with this sort of money. They’re wooden pieces! Lumberjack: But I only want to open a shavings account.

At the scene of a bank raid the police officer came running up to his inspector and said, “He got away, sir!” The inspector was furious. “But I told you to put a man on all the exits!” he roared. “How could he have got away?” “He left by one

A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last night and stole a thousand pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.