I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now your left.” Again, a flawless read. “Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He
Category: Doctor Jokes
Total 58 Posts
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” remorse the patient.
A man comes into the ER and yells; “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – and I was
It is recounted that at King?s College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year?s rounds by teaching “a singularly important principle of medicine.” He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, “So how?s your breakfast this morning?” “It?s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can?t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
An elderly woman went into the doctor?s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I?d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you?re 75 years old. What possible use could