A football supporter’s favourite Christmas song? ‘Yule never walk alone’

Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas. He put it straight in the bank. Why did he do that? He was trying to save time!

Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp. Father Christmas: That’s called ‘The Wizard of Ooze’!

Father Christmas:I like the story about the girl who steals from the rich and gives it all to Granny. Elf: That’s Little Red Robin Hood’!

Father Christmas: What’s your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean ‘Ghoul-di-locks’!

Father Christmas: All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket. Box office attendant: Then you’d better watch out… there’s a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets.