Grandma, is it exciting being 99? It certainly is! If I wasn’t 99 I’d be dead.

How old were you on your last birthday? Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday? Ten. Oh, I don’t think that’s possible. Oh, yes it is – I’m nine today.

Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again. How can you be so sure? I was 10 years old yesterday.

Sam’s girlfriend’s birthday was the same day as his father’s. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, ‘Use this all over yourself and think of me.’ Unfortunately he put the note on

A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. ‘What’s the matter?’ she asked. ‘It’s my birthday!’ he hollered. ‘And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there’s to be a party with crisps and jelly and a

I’d like to say something nice about you as it’s your birthday. Why don’t you? Because I can’t think of a single thing to say!