A medical mystery. A mental midget with the IQ of a fencepost. — Tom Waits A mind as empty as the sleeping pill concession at a honeymoon hotel. A mind like wet tennis shoes… Makes squishy noises when running. A modest little person, with much to be modest about. — Churchill A natural talent for finding subliminal messages in ice cubes. A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body. A notch off the timing mark. A one-bit brain with a parity error. A pacifist out of necessity in a battle of wits. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on. A prime candidate for natural deselection. A quart low. A return with no gosub. A room temperature IQ. A semitone flat on the high notes. A square with only three sides. A steering wheel / few bolts short of a Yugo. A teapot with a cracked lid. A titanic intellect… In a world full of icebergs. A vacuum-tube brain in a microchip world. A VGA card and a Herc monitor. A victim of retroactive birth control. A violin minus the bow. A walking argument for birth control. A wind-up clock without a key. About half smart. Afraid she’ll void her warranty if she thinks too much. Airhead / bubble-brain. Aliens zapped him with stupidity ray — twice.