1. I want you almost as much as I want world peace.2. You can forget about going to heaven because it’s sin to look that good.3. We both know that I am going to follow you home anyway, so why don’t you just come along peacefully?4. I envy your lipstick.5.
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to ahot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, whopays with a $20 bill.The vendor puts the bill in the cash
Clinton doesn’t inhale, he sucks USE CAUTION! 90% of people are made by accident. It’s a dog eat dog world… and I’m wearing milkbone underwear!!! I break for hallucinations My Lawyer Can Beat Your Lawyer Blondes Are Not Dumb (the bumper sticker was upside-down) DADDY FARTED AND WE CAN’T GET
New Miracle Diet!Flabby people are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don’t get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don’t get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat diet).Consequently, people tend to cheat on
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads,
Now that I’m older…..here’s what I’ve discovered…..I started out with nothing..I still have most of it. When did my wild oats turn into prunes and All Bran? I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded. All reports are in. Life
On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.” Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.”In a Non-smoking area: “If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”On Maternity Room door: “Push, Push, Push.” On a Front
Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. “So, how’s life been for you?” Ed asked.”Not too good,” Ted replied. “My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my